How to Shower in 37 Seconds When the Geyser Is Tempremental

The challenge is real!

Because your caravan geyser has the temperament of a cat that didn’t ask to be picked up.

Welcome back to SlowLaneLife.co.za, where the sunsets are peaceful, the neighbours are questionable, and the geyser… well… the geyser has a personality all of its own.

If you’ve ever lived long-term in a caravan, you will know this unshakeable truth:

A caravan geyser ONLY works properly when you don’t need it. Want to wash one teaspoon? Perfect temperature. Want to shower? Suddenly it’s a glacier-fed waterfall.

That’s why today we’re teaching the ultimate survival skill:

How to shower in 37 seconds flat when your geyser is in a mood.

Strap in.This is a sport.

Step 1: Prepare Yourself Mentally

This is not a spa day.This is not self-care.This is not “me time.”

This is war.

You must convince yourself that cold water is refreshing… rejuvenating… possibly even good for circulation. Ignore the fact that your soul is already shivering.

Repeat this mantra:

“I am a strong, brave caravanner. I can handle cold water. Probably.”

Step 2: Turn on the Tap With Hope in Your Heart

Every caravanner knows this moment—the sacred test.

You turn the tap and wait.

Will it be warm? Will it be cold?Will it be confused and give you BOTH simultaneously?

You stick one finger in.

AH! TOO COLD! PULL BACK! PULL BACK!

This is called The Penguin Shock Response.

You now have roughly 6 seconds before hypothermia wins.

Step 3: The Strategic Entry

Now comes the brave part:You step in.

Not one foot. Not a toe. Not a hesitant “ooh!” sound.

You COMMIT.

Enter with the determination of someone trying to get it over with before their brain registers the temperature.

This step is called The Polar Bear Plunge of Regret.

Step 4: The 9-Step Rapid Wash Routine

You have 37 seconds. No more. No less.

Here is the official Slow Lane Life Cold-Shower Protocol:

1. Gasp loudlyThis is essential. It’s traditional. It alerts the entire campsite that you are suffering.

2. Shampoo in 2.7 seconds. Use way too much. You won’t have time to rinse anyway.

3. Soap the important bitsYou know which ones.

4. Try to rinse shampoo. Fail. Leave 50% in your hair for texture.

5. Jump back from sudden temperature change. Why is it warm now? WHY?

6. Slip on your own soap. Optional but widely practiced.

7. Rinse everything while screaming internally. Works faster if you dance.

8. Final rinse of regret. This is where you wonder why you chose this lifestyle.

9. Exit dramaticallyPreferably swearing at the geyser on your way out.

Routine complete.Time: 36.8 seconds. You are now a certified Cold Shower Champion.

Step 5: The Towel Hug of Salvation

Your towel now becomes your best friend. Wrap yourself in it like a burrito that wants to live.

Bonus if you do that little hop-dance to warm your toes.

Step 6: Make Tea Immediately

Tea warms:

• Your hands

• Your heart

• Your frostbitten soul

Sip it proudly. You survived.

Tomorrow you will try again.Tomorrow the geyser might work. Or not. It likes to keep things interesting.

Step 7: Consider Showering at the Ablutions

You know the thought has crossed your mind.

But no—today you were brave. You used your own shower, and yes, the water hurt, but that’s how memories are made.

Walking to the ablutions with shampoo hair is for rookies.

You? You’re basically an arctic explorer.

Final Thoughts Before Your Next Attempt

Caravan showers aren’t just hygiene—they’re an extreme sport. A test of fortitude. A bonding moment between you and your geyser, even if the relationship is toxic.

But remember:

👉 A bad shower makes the good ones feel AMAZING.👉 A moody geyser builds character.👉 And a 37-second shower still counts.

Stay brave. Stay warm (eventually).And stay tuned to SlowLaneLife.co.za for more survival tips from the slow, silly, wonderful world of caravan living.